"And then he said..."

Party election time again. Bah, humbug. Reminds me far too much of student union elections 20 years ago.

As far as I’m concerned, casting a vote for someone in an internal election requires the willingness to positively endorse that candidate.

This is in contrast to a general election, where it can at times be necessary to hold your nose and vote for a complete wombat because they happen to be our complete wombat.

In an internal election, where all the candidates pass the basic test of having shared goals and broadly similar political philosophy, and where frankly it rarely makes a blind bit of difference who wins, noses can remain unpegged and ’sod the lot of you’ becomes an option.

I always go into these elections hoping for someone to believe in and support. During the last leadership election I did a lot of soul-searching and rhetorical questioning, before eventually deciding I couldn’t endorse either candidate and choosing not to vote. I have a vague memory I might have, in fact, literally returned my ballot paper with ’sod the lot of them’ scrawled across it, but that could be my increasingly addled brain playing tricks.

Since then, Nick Clegg has exceeded my expectations of him. Admittedly, my expectations were so low that he could have done that by walking on his hands across Westminster Bridge, naked, with a bunch of daffodils stuck up his chuff. But, even so, nice one Nick.

So I did at least make an attempt to choose a candidate.

Charlotte Gore’s well-argued semi-endorsement notwithstanding, Chandila Fernando’s candidacy cannot be taken seriously. He’s like the business studies student who no-one’s heard of that runs for the union executive on a platform of ‘you’re doing it all wrong’, and then disappears without trace when he loses. It’s true that Fernando asks a lot of questions that need asking - but he fails to convince on the other side of the equation, that he has the potential to provide and implement answers.

With great reluctance, I’ve also had to strike Lembit from the list of possibles. I’ve been supporting the man and voting for him since he ran for president of the National Union of Students, and I’ve always been a fan of the way he can mix levity and gravity so effectively (no asteroid / paragliding jokes please, there’s a serious point there). But at the moment I think he’s got the balance wrong, and I can’t vote for him until he sorts it out. Contrary to what detractors suggest, he’s not a knob - but he’s acting like one. When he stops, I’ll be back in the fan club.

So that leaves Ros Scott. As I recall, every student election needed a wide-eyed ‘gosh I’m an ordinary member standing up for the ordinary members and I promise I’ll always listen’ candidate. I was one myself, once, back in 1988. Earnest, well-intentioned, not part of the ruling clique - what’s not to like? I’m really not sure sure why I’m recoiling against her. Possibly I just dislike being told what to do by a lot of smug, self-satisfied bloggers (honourable exception: her husband, who appears to have been transplanted wholesale from Sir Thomas Malory). Possibly I dislike the feeling that the great and the good of the party have rallied around her as a ’stop Lembit’ candidate.

In the end it came down to two factors. In favour of supporting her, I will generally vote for a credible female candidate in any election where I’m otherwise undecided. Against her, she has the support of Duncan Borrowman.

I thought long, and I thought hard.

And in the end I put my ballot paper in the shredder.

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

Just to clear up any ambiguity caused by this post on Northern Irish uber-blog Slugger O'Toole, let me state clearly that I have no inside knowledge of whose hands have been delving into Lembit Opik's underpants, or for how long.

A few days ago, when the news broke that the Lib Dem MP had split up with fiancee Sian Lloyd and was now shagging a Cheeky Girl, I remembered a souvenir I still have of my days in student politics - one of Lembit's election leaflets for his unsuccessful run for President of the National Union of Students. Headlined Like it? You'll Lembit, it features a photo of him sitting in a rubbish skip, with the caption “I'll never be too proud to take a tip”. I thought, “I could give you a tip or two right now, matey”.

What I forgot, though, was a comment I'd posted on Paul Staines' / Guido Fawkes' blog, back in June, when he ran a caption competition with a photo of the Lib Dem candidate in the Bromley by-election surrounded by Cheeky Girls.

My entry? I'm just looking after them for Lembit.

Slugger O'Toole blogger Belfast Gonzo tries to spin this into a suggestion that I might have had insider knowledge that the Opik-Irimia relationship had been going on longer than anyone had officially admitted. He (she?) does quote the bit on my blog where I say I'm an ex journalist and former politician, which ought to suggest I'm no sort of insider at all, but seems to decide it means exactly the opposite - presumably on the grounds that all politicians and journos are lying bastards anyway, aren't they?

Actually, I was just making a vague allusion to the Popbitch rumour about the un-named high-flying MP who was generously rewarded for driving two female party colleagues to conference, and had no idea what was in the stars for the asteroid-fearing, gravitationally-challenged Parliamentarian.

But now a horrible thought has gripped me.

What if he saw the caption?

What if it was me who put the idea in his head?

I may give up this blogging business altogether - it's obviously too bloody dangerous…

I'm taking part in a discussion at the moment that asks people why they first joined the Lib Dems. I got so many good memories writing my answer that I thought I'd cross-post an expanded verion of it here.

I chased a Liberal leafletter down the street as a schoolboy to say “can I help?”

I delivered and canvassed for a while - particularly for the unfortunate George Binney in 1983 who achieved 20,000 votes and still got buried in a landslide - but didn't actually join until the merger debate. I was signed up into the SDP on a nod and a wink (ie, no fee, not sure the paperwork ever got sent off) so I could attend the North Herts SDP meeting to discuss which way to go, with Danny Finkelstein vs Shirley Williams as guest cheerleaders for the rival factions. We all went one way, Danny and a philosphical, sad-eyed gentleman named (I think) Pedro went the other.

The first time I think I was a real member was later as a student, at the UEA, where I fell in with a bad crowd in the Alliance Students. Those were heady days - Lembit Opik was running for NUS glory on a platform of “Students for Students” using the slogan “Like it? You'll Lembit”, a gerbil was elected as our SU general secretary, in all other respects the union was in the iron grip of the Labour Club until Richard Grayson cut their feet from under them, the Norwich skyline was smoky from the burning of Poll Tax registration forms and we held internal Alliance Students elections by means of a unique version of the secret ballot in which the candidates closed their eyes and eveybody else took part in a show of hands.

I drifted off to the Greens for a couple of years (the malign influence of my ex-fiancee), had a weird 1992 general election day helping Chris Fowler in South Norfolk and then attending the Norwich North count for the Greens, and finally defected to the Lib Dems (or whatever we were called then) at the local elections the following year - I agreed to stand as a Green, tried to withdraw, but found I was one of only a handful of Norwich Green candidates with valid nomination papers and felt compelled to go through with it. At the count in my ward, watched only by my Labour opponent, his flunkies, and my two tellers (both Labour voters) I announced I was leaving the Greens. Norwich Labour smirked until I pulled a gold rosette out of my pocket. Later that night I was thrown out of the Labour Club while enjoying a pint with an old friend in the People's Party. Things went downhill for the Norwich Labour Party thereafter :o)

Since then I've been stoutly Lib Dem (very stoutly until I joined Vince Cable's gym last year) and, in 1996-97 or so, finally read enough policy and political philosophy to understand why. So no more wobbles, and an ideological basis to my membership this last decade. I was a council candidate in 1998 and 2002, and probably will be again this year, and stood for Parliament in 2001. In 2003 I burned out and thought 'sod that for a lark', but I'm making a bit of a comeback at the moment.

But why did I originally join? Damned if I know. I think it was because I liked to support the underdog. Do you know, this leadership campaign we've just had is the first time I can ever remember supporting the favourite in anything since that night with Finkelstein and Williams?

The man was just born unlucky - what were the odds of this?

EDIT: Looks like the site I’m linking to is intermittently falling apart under the strain… it’s a custom-generated version of the CNN story on the Dick Cheney shooting with Lembit’s name, occupation and photo inserted as the victim. If it’s not generating the full page now, give it a try in an hour or so.

2008 EDIT: the domain’s expired, so I’ve removed the link. It was funny at the time, though.