"Who likes masturbators", and other stories

Monday, November 22nd, 2004

Health thing is definitely improving – still a bit wonky, can't risk driving across London, but am no longer weaving around like a drunken thing. Great relief all round. Should be back at work tomorrow night. Am doing Wednesday and Thursday nights as extras because I'm taking next weekend off for the Human League concert on Sunday night. YAY! Can't wait.

Also to look forward to: a huge order of stationery from Viking Direct coming tomorrow. I know it's sad, but I feel about buying reams of paper and wire wastebaskets and paperclips the way some women feel about shoe shopping. Also coming: a couple of items of kitsch from firebox.com, a USB Christmas tree and tomato-shaped sauce dispensers, just like the cafes had when I was a kid. I usually buy from IWantOneOfThose.com but it seems to be down at the moment.

Went out for a walk earlier, partly to see if I could. Took the camera along – here are some of the results.

Grafitti'd road sign
This land is our land
I'll see you where the yellow spray paint meets the pink and blue – no place special, just my home.

The A316 flyover and sliproad
Freeway to heaven
The A316 flyover and sliproad – they sliced the edge off Hanworth when they built this. Maybe that's when it lost its soul too.

Repeated pattern of paving slabs
Don't tread on the cracks
Repeated pattern of paving slabs, because repeated patterns are cool

Graffiti-covered pillars under the flyover
Kids, huh?
In the spaces where no-one goes, there's always someone. This was taken through the uprights of a fence into the no man's land beneath the flyover.

FIbreglass cows on the roofof the local dairy
With bovine grace they flew
The fibreglass cows on the roof of our local dairy are rightly famous. There used to be some at ground level too, but they've gone now. Legend has it that one April Fool's morning they were all lined up at the nearest bus stop.

The A316 from the footbridge over it
Six-lane escape route
London ends barely a mile away from here – follow this road far enough and you'll hit the south coast.

I'm sure I'm the last to discover this – everyone else was likely here a year ago – but I just came across this South Park character generator on Michael Hanscom's blog 'Eclecticism'. So this, loosely speaking, is me as a South Park character…

Me as a South Park character

Also worth visiting, from Lolaphilologist, is Spamusement – cartoons based on the subject lines from spam emails. Here's I was Pulled right out of the Regis Studio Audience. The best bit is the competition where people recreated the cartoons as photos – try this one, for the look on the guy's face: who likes masturbators! (don't worry – it *is* work-safe.)

That's all for today, folks.

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I'm Andy Darley. Sometimes I want to say things. This is where I do it.