Fnarr fnarr

Sunday, August 24th, 2003

There is no humour to compare with that provided by curiously-shaped vegetables. I took these potatoes from the allotment earlier today along with many more, some onions, a courgette, and a bagful of tomatoes. Don’t get too excited Spike.

Potatoes

Potatoes

I seem to remember someone – possibly Yvie or Teresa, I’m not sure – arguing about whether onions grow underground or not.

Based on today’s experience I can authoritatively say that this is a debatable point.

You certainly bury small onions at the start of the growing season, and then dig them up a few months later. That much is definite. It’s the “grow” business that’s supposed to go on in between I’m not sure about.

Most of ours stopped growing when the slugs got their greenery early on, which I suppose makes a certain amount of sense. They’ve been sitting in the ground ever since, getting larger in the much the same way that a half-brick doesn’t. Except much, much smaller.

A few others went to seed, shooting up to waist height with gay abandon. The actual onion at the bottom is no bigger than when it started out.

Only a couple actually seemed to have read the script, remembered their lines, and got big enough to make a guest appearance on a supermarket shelf.

It doesn’t seem a very efficient way of growing to me: put one small onion in ground, wait several months, take slightly larger onion out. Why not just buy big ones in the first place?

At least potatoes multiply – often in mysterious ways…

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I'm Andy Darley. Sometimes I want to say things. This is where I do it.